What Can I do to Save My Marriage?

by Heather Wade

If you are reading this, you know how difficult marriage can be. Fortunately, there are answers that can turn your marriage around. Many people get their marriages back on track. Some continue to build and achieve strong beautiful marriages. So don't despair. Take this opportunity to learn what it takes to build a foundation from which your marriage can grow.

So what does it take to revitalize your marriage? Thankfully the answer to this question is simple; you need to take care of the basics. There are a few basic principles that every happy marriage is built on. If you put these into place, you can save your marriage and in fact, create a healthy marriage.

It is much like building a house. You have to make sure the foundations are stable or when the storms come the house will not stand. It may be that you already have some of the foundations in place but are missing a few. Maybe you had them in place once, but they got lost in the journey of life.

Well the good news is you don't need to be a brain surgeon to understand the basics that can save your marriage. However, that doesn't make it easy and there is often some hard work to be done. It can be a painful process getting your marriage back on track, but the rewards make it all worthwhile. In fact the pain involved in divorce is often far greater than the effort required for reconciliation. It is worth investing in your marriage.

What about those 'fundamentals' then? Where do we find them? Many people go down a path of therapy. However, studies show that almost 50% of couples who choose therapy end up divorced. Only 10-20% of couples say they found any significant benefit from counseling. They are hardly compelling statistics. Therapy that does work is based on sound principles. It must focus on those things that are foundational to a healthy marriage. Many therapists just don't seem to get this right.

There are many things that make a difference in marriage, but the two that stand out are commitment and honor. Out of the two, commitment is often the easiest to understand. It is the decision to stay with your partner through thick and thin, in sickness and health regardless of what life throws up. It's easily said, but as we all know, it can get tough. Now if you are in an abusive relationship you need to seek extra help. Otherwise, work on your commitment to each other first. Society's 'try before you buy' attitude just doesn't work. Where commitment is lacking, marriages end in divorce.

The second fundamental is honor. This key concept is one I had to learn. Doing so and getting it right was a turning point in our marriage. But what does the word honor mean in a marriage? In short, it means accepting your partner for who they are. Value your partner. Get to know everything about them whether it is good or bad. Love them anyway without trying to fix them. Give them full permission to be themselves. Listen to them attentively. They won't always be right in what they say or do. No one is! Sure, later you can talk to them about the things that annoy or hurt you. But first they need to know that they are safe with you and you love them.

If your partner doesn't want to make changes, are your changes of any value? Many couples have experienced a change in their marriage due to the efforts of one person. Furthermore, marriage is not just two individuals living in the same place but "two becoming one" as the Bible so aptly puts it. When you make a change to the way you interact in the marriage you will affect your spouse. It is like a balanced system, when you change one side the other side will change too.

Where is your marriage at? Perhaps you see some problems developing. Maybe it is much worse. But it is never too late for action. As long as you have <a href="http://helpsavemymarriage.org/">wise advice</a> that lays out the basics and gives you a strategy to move your marriage in the right direction, you can revitalize your marriage.



Kym And Heather Wade have been married for 18 years and it is a desire of theirs to help people enjoy successful marriages. Click on the following link for information on a great program to rebuild your marriage and answers to the question, "How do I <a href="http://helpsavemymarriage.org">Save My Marriage</a>?"

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