Are You Divorced Because Your Marriage Was A Fantasy?
by Lucia Baker
Was you marriage a fantasy or a reality? Both of you -- right now you are probably reacting that, of course, since your reason to go through the divorce in the first place was because you had to face reality and forget about the fantasy. Every marriage is a fantasy before the reality kicks in. Whatever fantasy you had is what enabled you to get married in the first place. You thought that your husband or wife was the right person for you. You thought you were the marrying kind of person you knew your spouse to be. You actually thought maybe you wanted the life that each other painted, whatever it might be. Your ex treated you a certain way during the fantasy period, and that enabled you to fall in love and enabled you to create this fantasy called "marriage," or at least the fantasy called "your marriage."
What is the age of my child? Different ages create their own advantages/disadvantages when choosing a custody schedule. It will be vastly different if you have an infant, school-age child, or teenager. Research your child's age and needs so you have a baseline to start from. For example, and infant or toddler needs a "home base" while a teenager can easily spend longer periods of time with one parent. School age children like to spend time with both parents and see their support.
Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. (NKJV) And finally we see the power of forgiveness contrasted with the power of choice. Paul writes in I Corinthians 7:12 and 13,
The problem with that is that we think we're moving forward, but we never really move forward because we haven't fully learned from our past mistakes. The same problem will come up in each relationship, and if these same types of relationships continue through your lifetime, you get more and more frustrated. You get angrier and angrier, and you get more and more bitter. The unfortunate fact for our society is that most marriages do end in divorce because most marriages were built on a fantasy from the beginning. I know so many people who got married because that's what they were supposed to do, or they always dreamed of finding that perfect partner and being married. They dreamed of having a wonderful family.
There are many different schedule types to meet your needs. You can choose the percentage of time with each parent, how often the child changes homes, when the exchanges happen, etc. Research all the different custody schedule options available to you.
If all of you look back on all you relationships, and especially the last one that ended in divorce, the warning signs were probably there in the first 30 days. You chose to ignore them because of the fantasy you were living, because of your desires, and because your wants and your needs required the fantasy called love.
For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. When this occurs the unbelieving spouse is cleansed. But also, their children are cleansed! Verse 16 reads,
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