Divorce Is No Child's Play
by Monique Bergeron
Divorce has never been easy on anyone. It is especially true for children, both young and old. The effects can be long lasting and may have serious effects on their emotional development and attitude. It can devastate the parent and child relationship that can result in permanent consequences. Each age group copes with divorce in a different way but additionally share many things for example feelings of fear, anxiety, and abandonment. This is why it is very important explain to children exactly what is happening and why the marriage is ending. While this may be difficult for them to comprehend it will reinforce the present relationship with them.
Younger Children
In younger kids, particularly children between 3 and 5, divorce might cause significant amounts of emotional distress. This younger age takes it more personally than most. These younger children often view the divorce as their fault, that they are the reason for the parent's separation. This is rooted in feelings of abandonment or even a anxiety about being left alone. This can lead to emotional outburst for example disobedience, anger, and/or depression. It can also result in things such as bed wetting or strong attachments to items such as security blankets. This could cause a young child to regress mentally to an infantile state and retard their emotional and mental growth.
Children 6 to 11
These school aged kids are affected greater than younger kids. These kids are affected more because they are more emotionally developed than children in the three to five year age group. They are aware of the pain that is felt by the parent's separation from one another. Children within this age group are also vulnerable to replacement fantasies. These fantasies aid in the growth and development of feelings of false hope in which they feel the parents will once again be back together later on. This could cause emotional distress and issues with coping with the permanence of the divorce. When this does not occur it can result in abandonment issues and feelings of rejection from the parent who leaves. This age group is impacted by physical suffering as well, these come in the form of headaches, stomach aches, along with other stress related physical symptoms.
Adolescence and Teens
Teenagers experience a mixed bag of emotions. They may comprehend the reasons for the divorce but it also affects their ability to cope with the separation. This might make them feel as if they need to choose sides or take the side of just one parent over the other in regards to placing blame. This can result in feelings of anger, fear, and depression. Perhaps the most detrimental effect is the development of suicidal thoughts or ideas that stem from an inability to manage compounded by feelings of depression.
Divorce might also breed insecurities about their personal future as well, such as their ability to marry and their ability to maintain a marriage. On the other hand this age group can also be probably the most capable to cope with divorce. They are able to comprehend the reasons for divorce and are effective at copping with post-divorce life.
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